I know some people do not struggle with this, and I tip my hat to you. However, social media has a way of making me feel like I am not far enough in my life financially, educationally, physically, blah blah blah. Obviously I have some insecurities and the internet makes them 100x worse. It leaves me longing for things that truly DO NOT MATTER. That house with the decked out giant laundry room, I want it so bad. The buff chick wearing a tank top and showing off her gloriously toned, tan arms - I need to look like that. Weird, something else is breaking on my car.. Ooo look right next to me is a brand new sparkly Tahoe! I bet their brakes don't sound like a freaking metal grinding circus show. You get what I am saying? Are you picking up what I am putting down?!
I find that when my life is drowning in social media waste land, I start to care more about material possessions. I begin to get whiney and negative about where I am in my life. I become ungrateful, prideful and just plain icky. I do not like myself when I act like that. My husband and kids don't deserve to be surrounded by my crap attitude about my life, especially over a damn laundry room sink. Am I right?!
I think when we are in the thick of our trials, it is really easy to become ungrateful. We get so absorbed and flooded with the crap we are trying to navigate through, that we lose sight of how blessed we are. I am 100% guilty of doing this. It is a very difficult habit to break! However, it is one of those things that we all need to figure out. I do believe with my whole heart that the Lord cares what we care about. He is mindful of us and is understands our struggles.
One night after moving to Arizona, I sat up in my old teenager bedroom and just had a pity party. I couldn't believe I was back in my parents house AGAIN with my family. I was stuffed into an upstairs of a house with too many kids and not enough space. I was living out of a box, my kids were off their rockers, and my husband was ALWAYS TRAVELING. Every time I left the house and drove anywhere, I was flooded with negative memories of my past. The gas station, the grocery store, the park, the school, etc etc. All I could think about were all the years of my life that I so badly want to forget sometimes - and I was being suffocated by them every single day. I was so frustrated that my husband had to find a new job and that it had to include traveling. It was just so hard to process all the decisions we had made the last couple years and try to find any positive outcomes from them. We had found a house, but it didn't have everything I wanted. Plus, the walls were tan. I am so sick of tan. I was boo-hooing over PAINT COLOR PEOPLE. I was so distraught and upset because I didn't have an extra $1600 to pay someone to come paint the entire interior of my home another color.
LIIIIIIIIIIKE, GIVE ME A BREAK RIGHT?!
I went to bed that night pissed off and feeling super sorry for myself. Of course I slept crappy and woke up angry. I snapped at my kids the second they walked in my room to say good morning, and thats when I knew that something had to seriously change. Since then, I have been brought to my knees and humbled over and over with prayers of gratitude. I have made a conscious effort to load my prayers with everything I am thankful for. I have made it a point to thank my kids and my husband for things I normally wouldn't. I have prayed in gratitude for the smallest itsy bitsy things that I usually take for granted. Let me tell you, my entire world has changed. I am overwhelmed with love from my Heavenly Father everyday. I have been able to recognize the Spirit more in my life and be able to discern what is a good way to spend my time and what isn't. I realized that I heard the phrase "MOM! LOOK! LOOK AT ME!" about 1000x less the last few weeks because I am not glued to my phone all day. My kids are happier! Truly! It was a really good time to shut off the social media. I remember logging onto Facebook to sell a few things on a yard sale site, and OF COURSE the first thing that pops up in my news feed is some drama about the church and all these people up in arms about baptism policies. HOLY MOLY PEOPLE. Get a grip. If you even for one second dropped to your knees and sincerely prayed for help to understand the things the church does - you wouldn't be feeling so confused and angry. Stop turning to social media outlets for answers to your questions. Stop being sucked into the nasty, hateful quicksand on the internet. I have had to pray so hard for love and compassion towards people lately. I am so tired of hearing about the Apostles (who I love and respect with all of my heart and soul) being trashed on the internet. Especially by people I am close to. Pretty much I just hate Facebook and wish it would die off like MySpace did. But that is a conversation for another day that I will probably never publish because I get way too worked up. My palms are already sweating and my heart is racing. The church is true, my testimony is solid and that isn't changing. I just wish people would try a little harder to stick with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ when times get tough. Everything you are and everything you have is given to you by a loving and compassionate Father in Heaven and Savior Jesus Christ. Giving them the benefit of the doubt when you don't entirely understand something at first, is the LEAST you can do.
The take away - if you are ever feeling like things are off in your life, try to stay off social media for a while. You don't have to be an extreme psycho like me and try to go 30 days.. but even a day or two. Reset your mind and pray a little extra. Cultivate gratitude! Tell people thank you for all of the little things you never think about or recognize when you are distracted. I can guarantee you that the result will be a little like this ...
