Experiment in Personal Growth

I made a personal committment to something that is going to probably be one of the hardest things I have ever done.

Is the suspense built?! Are you just D-Y-I-N-G to hear what I am planning to do?!

I AM GOING TO ABSTAIN FROM ALL AVENUES OF SOCIAL MEDIA FOR THIRTY DAYS.

I know Joey, I know. 

Since the dawn of time (dramatic), there have been articles floating around Facebook arguing whether or not it is okay for moms to spend chunks of time on their phones instead of engaging in their children. While I see and understand both sides to this - I am pretty torn as far as my opinion goes. Yes, I ignore my children and look at Instagram while they are showing me the song on their annoying singing Barbie (that I secretly want to light on fire and throw in the Bermuda triangle) FOR THE HUNDREDTH TIME in the last hour. I am completely guilty of this and I will not deny it. Will my half engaged facial expressions and lack of enthusiasm about the Barbie crush my child's spirit and send them into a downward spiral at age three?! Highly doubt it.

That being said, I spend WAAAAAAAAAAAY too much time scrolling through social media. I have deactivated my Facebook a couple times. I have deleted the apps off of my phone more times than I can count, yet they always make their way back on somehow. (Usually the same day they are deleted) It is not comfortable to admit this - but social media makes me insanely insecure. It is at the root of my body dysmorphia, my insecurities in motherhood, my personal weaknesses in my faith, etc. I do believe that people normally show their "highlight reel" as President Utchdorf called it on their social media accounts. I know that I am guilty of it. As a busy mom, when you get all your kids AND yourself ready one day a week month, you like to document it! I get it! Who sits there and takes pictures of the nitty gritty, everyday BS that you deal with?

-OH, my baby is screaming for the BAJILLIONTH time today! How cute! I should take a picture of this so I can remember it everyday for the REST OF MY LIFE!

- AWWW, my kids are ripping each others hair out AGAIN! They are so sweet, this deserves a Instagram shout out. 

- OH LOOK, I made peanut butter and jelly for dinner for the sixth day in a row since my husband is out of town and I don't have an ounce of patience left in me to fight over broccoli consumption again. I bet all my followers want this super in depth recipe, I should post it! 

You get what I am saying?! We are all guilty of posting the highlight reel. Sometimes it is nice to forget all the crap you've gone through that day and only focus on the excruciatingly brief moment of happiness. Because this happens for me more than I care to admit. A lot of my days lately go like this - sucky, sucky, sucky, OOOOOO my kids are cute I love them, sucky, sucky sucky. Then when my kids are all in bed, I exhale a GIANT sigh of relief and immediately grab my phone and turn to social media. Bad idea, coach. 

-Oh, that mom I don't even know made an elaborate all natural dinner and her kids ate it with a smile! 

-Look, this super tan buff chick with perfect hair is telling me that my baby being up all night for the fifth day in a row IS NO EXCUSE for missing my workout today! I should have been up at 4am doing my 1000th burpee. Man, I suck at life! 

-Wow, another anti-mormon article or rant was posted or liked by a friend on Facebook. Maybe I should read it? It can't hurt. (Trust me, it most certainly can)

-Hey, a complete stranger is building a gorgeous mansion and driving a fifty thousand dollar Tahoe at age 25. I need to hustle on this rat race and get on it! I am at least three years behind schedule!

***** OH HI SATAN, you are here again to torment me and make me feel like I am not enough. I didn't feel this way the last two hours when I was spending time with my kids and off of my phone. I know this isn't the case for everyone. I personally couldn't care less about having a brand new car or a giant house. Those things don't drive me to insanity. I just want a house that fits my family and to be free from stressing month to month about paying bills. I don't feel like I long for much, so it makes me angry that I am not there yet. But that is a problem within itself. I am 28, I don't need to be financially stable and probably won't be for years longer. That anger needs to be let go and FAST. I am blessed beyond measure. I know that some people genuinely do not compare themselves to others and are completely happy in their own skin. To those magical unicorns, I salute you. I strive to be like you, and I know I will get there someday. For that to happen though, I need to seriously cut back on the time I spend on social media. I suffer, my marriage suffers, my kids suffer - all because my insecurities are being fueled by the excessive time I spend scrolling through my phone throughout the day. 

That is why I am taking a social media fast. That is why I am making a commitment to myself to live in the real world and focus on my actual relationships with the people I love. It is going to be crazy hard. I don't doubt that for a second. I will be tempted over and over to use the soul sucking outlets, but if I declare my journey out loud and have people know my plans - its way easier to stick to it. I am sincerely excited to see what changes, to see how I feel and how differently I treat my people. I am praying for an increase in patience, compassion, and love for myself, my kids, and the strangers I come in contact with everyday! Wish me luck, November will be a whole new experience for me! If any of you are brave enough to try it, let me know! We can form a support group and MAYBE EVEN CALL EACH OTHER and talk on the phone like people did in 1995. 

"The Internet provides many opportunities for learning. However, Satan wants us to be miserable, and he distorts the real purpose of things. He uses this great tool to promote doubt and fear and to destroy faith and hope.

With so much available on the Internet, we must carefully consider where to apply our efforts. Satan can keep us busy, distracted, and infected by sifting through information, much of which can be pure garbage.

One should not roam through garbage." - Marcos A Aidukaitis