Jesus Savior Pilot Me

Jesus, Savior, pilot me

Over life's tempestuous sea;

Unknown waves before me roll,

Hiding rock and treach'rous shoal.

Chart and compass came from thee;

Jesus, Savior, pilot me.

When at last I near the shore,

And the fearful breakers roar

'Twixt me and the peaceful rest,

Then, while leaning on thy breast,

May I hear thee say to me,

"Fear not; I will pilot thee."

As a mother stills her child,

Thou canst hush the ocean wild;

Boist'rous waves obey thy will

When thou say'st to them, "Be still!"

Wondrous Sov'reign of the sea,

Jesus, Savior, pilot me.

This hymn. I LOVE IT. I don't hear it sung at church often, and I wish it was. It brings the spirit so strongly into my heart every time I hear it or think of the words. Jesus, Savior, pilot me. What better attitude could you possibly have?

I have learned a lot about myself over the last couple weeks. I do not (read with heavy emphasis on the not) handle quick changes or stress well. I am definitely not a "go with the flow" type of personality. My husband is, and I try so hard to let it rub off on me. So far it has not been successful. Probably never will. I like to know what is coming. I like to have a handle on my life and our direction. That being said, making the choice to move to AZ and completing it within a two or three week period was enough to send me into a spiral of insanity. Top that with a new job that has my husband traveling again and it has been a recipe for crazy. I have never dealt with any serious or scary feelings of depression or anxiety on this level before. It has been truly on of the most difficult periods of time that I have experienced in quite a while. 

I am always hesitant to share my feelings on this blog - mostly because I feel like a lot of people compare trials and get offended or frustrated when someone says they are having a hard time with a less complex hardship such as a move. I understand fully that there are people in the world dealing with hunger, death, sickness, serious mental illness, etc - I pray for them and my heart aches for them. Sometimes I feel like I am being a baby or blowing my own struggles out of proportion when I stand myself next to these people. I have gained a testimony this past week that this kind of thing is really just silly. Everyone is faced and burdened with things that are hard for THEM. Each person is tried and tested in an individual way that will help THEIR weaknesses become strengths. Because you cry for three days over losing ANOTHER house in a bidding war - it doesn't make you a whiner. We all are programmed to think that we have to be so bad ass all the time. We don't. Yes, we have to be strong. Yes, we need to be resilient. Yes, we need to be able to bounce back and deal. However, there is a beautiful strength born within us after breaking down. Being upset over something that another person may see as trivial, should not belittle your strength. It doesn't make you a complainer. It doesn't make you weak. It is just another puzzle piece in your journey. We need every single puzzle piece. They are essential to our eternal salvation.

We have had a really hard time finding a place to live in AZ. The process started over three weeks ago with our realtor and it has just been a bust. He has worked so hard for us, and nothing has stuck. We have gotten our hopes up and started imagining our life in a home and then we get bid out. The market in AZ is crazy, and its been a huge trial for our family. When our house sold so quickly in UT, it confirmed our decision and helped us to feel like we had received and understood personal revelation for our family. Arriving here and having such a roller coaster emotional experience over and over to find a new home, caused us to second guess our choice. That is such a crappy feeling. There is no eloquent way for me to describe it. When you feel good about something and then the adversary puts doubt in your heart - its icky.  Dealing with repeating disappointment and uncertainty has been trying. We have finally been able to feel comfort and peace through lots and lots (AND LOTS) of prayer. The Lord will help us find a home where HE wants us to be. I really had to just turn complete control over to Him, and trust that He would get us where we need to go. He will help us find a home in a place where He needs us. A place that we can serve and positively influence the lives of those around us. A place where our kids can be happy, and find lasting friendships that will carry them through their own trying times. I have to believe that. It is the only thing that brings me peace. 

As great as it would be to not live out of boxes in my parents home, I am so grateful to have a roof over our heads. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to look for a home. There is nothing that brings me more joy than being together as a family - whether its in our own house or squished in a couple bedrooms at Grandma and Grandpa's. We are blessed beyond measure. It is so easy to lose sight of our blessings when we are feeling crushed by adversity. It is so important for us to fall to our knees each day and ask the Lord for help to see the good, especially when we seem to be bombarded only by the bad. There is always light in the darkness. Always.

Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is not something ethereal, floating loosely in the air. Faith does not fall upon us by chance or stay with us by birthright. It is, as the scriptures say, “substance … , the evidence of things not seen.”⁵ Faith emits a spiritual light, and that light is discernible.⁶ Faith in Jesus Christ is a gift from heaven that comes as we choose to believe⁷ and as we seek it and hold on to it. Your faith is either growing stronger or becoming weaker. Faith is a principle of power, important not only in this life but also in our progression beyond the veil.⁸ By the grace of Christ, we will one day be saved through faith on His name.⁹ The future of your faith is not by chance, but by choice.

Neil A Andersen